it was a terrible week indeed. i failed it agains.. sighz.. why is driving just that hard to pass? i ain't nervous.. i completed all the parking.. this time i couldn't complete the directional change.. it was one of the easiest in the circuit.. hit the kerb twice while trying to move out.. kinda sianz.. if i didn't hit the kerby, i'm sure i would have passed.. because i had 10 demerit points outside the road.. why everytime it's like that?? it's like that jigsaw puzzle with that missing piece.. just that the missing piece was different everytime.. when will i get everything right?? sometimes i just feel like giving up because it's like zapping my poor allowance away.. trying to be self-sufficient and i didn't want to take any money from my parents..
other than that, i caused my Platoon commander to be reprimanded by the Company 2IC.. though both are warrant officers but the rank of the 2IC is greater.. my PC let me go for the driving practice last monday before the test on tuesday.. actually practices are not allowed to be approved and the 2IC found out.. me and my PC got barked pretty bad.. felt kinda bad and paiseh.. my sergeant called me a jinx.. say i bring trouble to the PC.. feeling guilty as i go for my test.. =/
in addition, if anyone skipped any activities this week. they would have to come back on the saturday to do self directed training.. i missed 2 days of fighting in urbanised areas due to driving.. was supposed to not go home on friday night and i was like so bothered about it since the start of the week.. in the end, not enough people to conduct so i was allowed to go on friday..
lastly, i didn't know it could be that painful to lose that sense of direction.. it's just like driving.. can't seem to get it right all my life.. i know i suck in this.. nevertheless, i still wanna say thanks for the addition of colours in my life and making it more interesting. bless you and take care.
gotta Book in again.. don't want to demoralise my mates and make them worry.. maybe i should go back to normal soon.. one of my section mates kinda broke down this week while having this kind of peer appraisal.. somebody just harped on what the PC said.. said that he's slow, stupid and pentium 1.. he just gave way and teared.. and afterwhich he just told us he didn't like people calling him that and we all sat down and talked about it.. sometimes when shit happens, it just piles up, snowballs and becomes a mudslide. how i wish i could cry out loud and express myself like what he did but i just can't do it.. it just won't come out.. i'm just too stiff and stony..
seems like the graduation next week don't seem that significant after all.. and the peer appraisal they gave me.. good point = optimistic.. bad point = overly optimistic.. how i wish i could be what the appraisal put me out to be.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lvgmxgfvn00i'll carry on.
